Something new was a foot. Change. Systematic and purposeful change. I was slowly developing a priority of life. Something I was ready to verbalize and document. I only wish I had two extra days this week. Two days extra to tell her how much she meant to me, to work towards “us”, our singularity. To be thankful.

So my priorities this side of heaven, her. It may seem pointed to make a person a single ambition, but not really. My love and worship of her satisfies – me.

There is a side of me that would have changed things if I thought it would have made life for you different. Made your dreams all come true. Sacrifice my dream, who I am – us – just to know you had the happiness you deserve.

This is something that … hurts. The thought of not having you now. … God’s hand in this. God had a different plan. I am so very grateful … for you. My eyes are open to a possibility that could have been different … and NOW to a reality that is different. I am uplifted.

… so our Skype conversation went for 7 hours. I noticed she was exhausted from our expressions of love and care. We were forging a new, fresh approach to avoid our past experiences. We are purposely honest an all levels of discussion. We candidly spoke of sexual intimacy. Of what was love and what was not. Of erotic experience beyond that of merely intercourse … of making the other person happy … happy beyond belief.

What’s worth the prize is always worth the price. Every second counts cause there’s no second tries.

What is important? Some people haven’t thought enough about it, so all too often objects or wealth are their priority, after all these are things they can readily control and manipulate. To others it is experiences, to feel alive with the adrenaline rush of excitement, or the pleasure of self gratification. Most people can relate in one way or another to these, fast or expensive automobiles, lavish houses or big bank account balances with hard work any one can achieve; thrill seekers participating in things like sky diving savor the erotic adrenaline rush that makes them high and want to do it again. At some point or another in my life I’ve had similar aspirations and desires unknowingly to find myself incomplete and just the opposite – dissatisfied.

With disappointment after disappointment in life, the discourse of living was pointing me in a different direction in a search for understanding my value system, of what is supremely important in life.